also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
