I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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