I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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