insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
