Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize