it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
