Someone shit on the floor
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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