I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
