he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
