So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We need to get me chipped asap
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
