I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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