Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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