i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
