you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
