This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
