I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize