hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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