Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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