thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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