I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am naked and annoyed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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