I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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