I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
