I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize