i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
