hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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