Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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