Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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