forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
