I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently you make a good broom.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
