Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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