is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
