The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
