You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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