First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
