Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
