Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
