And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
