It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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