i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
