The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am mentally ready for anal.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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