Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
