last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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