Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
