in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
