How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
