i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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