See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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