So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
