someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
