So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize