I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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