The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
