Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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