I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
