I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
