worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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