I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
