I seem to have left my pride at pride
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize