I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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