Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
