There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize