Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
