WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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