im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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