I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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