Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
