its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
