I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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