watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
