This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She needs sedatives and a leash
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
