During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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