Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
