Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
