It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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