sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
