How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
