We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
