And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
