Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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