I smell stomach acid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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