just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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