ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
