Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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