6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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