words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
