I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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