How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
