You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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