Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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