I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So squirting runs in the family.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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