I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
