So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fill condoms, not promises.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
