I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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