I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I look better un-naked...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
