I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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