he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize