there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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