I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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