I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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