The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
