I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he fucked my hip out of place.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
