i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
