Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
