My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
