before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize