im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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