I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
