I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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