we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize