I will die if light touches me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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